Saturday, July 9, 2011


Coming To Terms With Being Different

Different by the circumstances of my upbringing. 

Thinking back to elementary school, realizing that my piece of the childhood puzzle did not fit into the "norm", I would embellish who I was.  Had imaginary people and pets in my life, and was often to others like I was treated at home.

When I was an eight years old my cousin told me that the man I had known as my father was indeed, not. 

In my forties, finding the man I had been told was my biological father and later through DNA testing, it was proven that the man who had married my mother because she was with child, was in fact not remotely related to me by blood.  Legally because he was on my birth certificate, I was to discover something he and my mother already knew! 

The divide grows wider.

Mother is a largely dysfunctional human being, abusive, unfaithful, alcoholic.  Singling me out and culling me from the family after my two half-sisters were born.  A daily reminder of her past discretion's, to this day there is no normal family for me.

Revelation rushing through my childhood being.  Daily emotional and physical abuse.  It is no wonder that I developed a safe place to land and began a lifetime of "knowing" that if I found the man she told me was my biological father that he would love me and hate her too.  Both turned out to be true, he did love me and passionately hated her for what she had done to his young life.  But he was not my father, never had children, and a few years later would die in his sleep. 

In my late forties I would send a copy of the DNA results to "her".  Choosing not to respond to me, she told my sisters that it was almost fifty years ago and she could not remember anyone else.  Later she would say that the DNA results could have been doctored. 

Oh the story is so long and unbelievable, one hesitates to continue.  Suffice to say that we have not spoken going on twenty years in the not too distant future.  She will never be the mother to idealize, my sisters are lost to me now.

Today and with therapy, I continue to work on self-healing.  Today I have grown children of my own. Today I declare out loud that I am, "Coming To Terms With Being Different"!


  1. Wow. That's a lot to deal with, but you seem strong. I'm glad you have children of your own and I'm glad you've come to terms with it all.

    Take care

    Tinman (here from 6wS)

  2. Wow. This was powerful. Glad I read it and that you're coming to terms with yourself.

    A big hug from my part.

    Found you through 6WS.

  3. Coming to terms with a troubled childhood is difficult at best. Hang in there, it can only get better - right? A big hug to you. I am glad you shared your story. Found you through 6WS!

  4. WOW...(Found your blog from Six Word Saturday)

  5. So sorry that all of that has happened to you. You certainly didn't deserve any of that.

    Glad you have children of your own to love and to be your true family.

    I have some very sad things in my past. And God in my present and my future. He brings me peace.

    I hope you will have a blessed future. May God bring you peace too.

  6. Wow, powerful words about a painful past.There is so much I would like to write but I'm not going to fill up your comments with my thoughts.

    Simply said - I am inspired by your courage to write about a difficult childhood, thank you for sharing

  7. I am so glad you were able to rise above your past and become a wonderful adult :) Being different is a good's what makes :)
    Your family doesn't know what they're missing! It is by far their loss to not know you!!!

  8. sorry you had to go through that. Some times I wonder how much children can bear. You've seem to overcome it - glad you did talk to a professional. Most people are afraid to. And you've seem to found a good man - congrats. Good luck, empty nester! {:-D

  9. echoing Edi's last comment--their loss.
    How courageous of you to write this!!! I applaud you!
    so sorry for the younger you. so happy for you with the older you you have become.
    chin up. onward and upward!
    Many blessings to you for a joyous and peaceful present and future.

  10. I'm happy for you that you have been able to pull through that. It's great to be an adult and in control of your own life now :)


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